Lost Cause
by darkchildlover
Summary: Harry can't deal with the pressure of being the chosen one, so he does something that no one expects. Will anyone be able to catch Harry when he finally gives up. Future HG.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Harry moaned as the knife sliced through his pale skin, allowing crimson blood to seep out and run down his skinny arm. Taking the knife in his blood stained hand he made another slice, this time on the opposite arm just above the elbow. The blood from both arms poured slowly onto the white mattress of his bed.

For once Harry was glad that it was a four poster bed he slept in, the fact that he could pull the hangings shut for this task helped the guilt seep away uncontaminated with the fear of his friends seeing him butcher his own body, if any of the other boys found out what he did, they'd put a stop to it for sure, they wouldn't understand..

Grabbing his wand, he magically tied bandages around his wounds and started to clean up the mess he had made. "Scourify" he whispered as the blood stained sheets cleaned themselves to show no sign of the horror that had taken place just moments before. He then put the blood stained knife in his robe pocket and slipped out of the boys dormitory to the toilets on the other side of the hall. He had to get himself cleaned up before anyone woke up, casting the appropriate cleaning spell, as it was dangerous to use Scourify on a persons body, a chalk white Harry looked back from the mirror, deep emerald eyes now clouded with fear.

Grabbing a towel from the rail, he slowly and methodically wiped his arms and shirt down, pressing hard enough to graze and burn his skin, not that he noticed. Pain was something Harry had grown accustomed to, this was the reason he sat on his bed late at night, slicing his own skin. It was to feel something. Every slice held back the numbness that filled his body and let him feel human for a few short, blissful minutes.

He would have allowed the blood to seep for longer but that could cause him to pass out, if he passed out then someone would find him lying in a bloody heap in the middle of his bed. This would cause unwelcome questions, something that he definitely didn't need right now.

After cleaning the toilet he crept back to his bed and silently snuck behind the hangings of the four poster bed. He stowed the knife away under his pillow and threw himself onto the bed, where he quickly drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

To anyone looking in, the-boy-who-lived seemed normal, apart from the pale colour of his skin and his fitful sleeping pattern he looked like a normal boy, who would have guessed what really went on behind closed curtains.

"Ginny!" the sleeping boy muttered softly.

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A/N: Sorry everyone, I wont be able to update for a while because my teachers have decided to make my mum take away my internet so that I will do my homework, anyway, I'll find a way about it, just hold on, it'll be out as soon as I can get it there!


	2. The Dream

**ABBIE: Hi, I know that I forgot to do this on my first chappie so I will do it here. Eevee would normally do the disclaimer but she says that she is on a strike until further notice, so Meg will do it instead! Take it awayMeg... **

MEG: Abbie and Eevee do not own Harry Potter, coz if they did then Abbie would be called Mrs Potter and Eevee would be murdering Draco Malfoy (long story)

**EEVEE: Hey, she took my job...MEG!**

**ABBIE: UH OH**

**MEG: Abbie you told me she was on strike! (MEG AND EEVEE COMENCE FIGHTING NOISILY IN BACKGROUND)**

**ABBIE: Honestly, please reveiw, because I have decided that unless I get 5 reveiws or more, I will not update. If I do get 5 reveiws then I will update weekly or if me or Eevee have time we will update before then but never after, got that good, now on with chappie 1!**

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**THE DREAM**

It was dark, so dark, he couldn't see anything. Harry was floating in limbo, he felt totally useless, he couldn't even move his head. His dull green eyes darted around, searching for something to watch, or someone to save him. But as usual no one came.

Something was different this time though, he could feel it. As soon as that thought crossed Harry's mind, something or someone started to creep in from beyond the darkness. Harry's breath caught in his throat. No it couldn't be, he fell Harry thought, eyes wide in fear. It had to be some kind of illusion, but then again, maybe he was coming to save him!

Staring into the eyes of his late god-father, Harry realised something was wrong. No, something was very wrong. Sirius suddenly reached out and grabbed his god-son's throat. "What are you doing Sirius, let me go, please" Harry choked out. He couldn't breath and his vision was clouding.

"Because you deserve it" He sneered and let go of Harry's throat. Suddenly Harry was falling, he squeezed his eyes shut waiting for the impact of the ground but it didn't come. He realised quite quickly that he wasn't falling anymore either, he was lying on something hard and cold. Suddenly the sound of screaming registered in his brain, who was screaming he thought, I have to help them. As soon as he thought that, the screaming stopped. Embarrassed he realised that it was him who had been screaming, I wonder what the world would think of the bloody boy who lived if they knew that he would start screaming from a stupid nightmare, I'm so weak, no wonder everyone hates me!  
Picking himself up from the floor, Harry winced as he felt a pain shoot up his arm. Lifting up his pyjama shirt sleeve, Harry stared at the fresh cut on his arm, disgusted he tugged the sleeve down but immediately regretted it when the sleeve made contact with the raw cut. I couldn't even last one night without doing it, I'm so stupid, he thought to himself, if anyone found out about this they wouldn't understand, I don't even understand!

Suddenly Harry realised that someone should have heard his screaming, if they had heard it they should have come to find out what happened. Carefully he pulled back the hangings on his bed and looked around the dormitory. All the beds except Ron's were made and their occupants no where in sight. Throwing caution to the winds he threw his hangings open and walked over to the draws next to his bed. Looking at the watch on tope of the chest of drawers he realised with a jolt that he had overslept, and had missed his first four classes of the day. I guess I could just stay here until the days over, everyone probably thinks that I'm sick anyway.

Quickly getting changed into slightly more presentable clothing he walked down the spiral stair case towards the common room. Yawning he stepped into the large room expecting to find it empty, but instead getting the shock of his life!

Sitting in the far corner of the room in a very puffy arm chair sat a little girl with flaming red hair. In the light of the fire her usually tanned skin seemed to glow an eerie white. Her lips were a dull bluish colour and her eyes were closed.

Forgetting that he was sore all over and was supposedly 'sick', Harry sprinted across the Common room until he was leaning over the seemingly unconscious girl. Placing two fingers against her wrist he desperately searched for a pulse. Harry had almost given up when he felt a faint blip on her skin. But his momentary joy at finding a pulse was swept away by fear, it was slow and faint, he needed to get her help right away.  
"Ginny" he whispered, taking a last look at her unconscious form before he dashed out the door, intent on getting to the hospital wing faster than anyone alive could.#

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**ABBIE: er, what are you doing here anyway Meg, dont you live in England**

**MEG: Well yeah, but I came up to give you moral support and to beat up your Yami, but apparantly she is better than me at kung-fu!**

**ABBIE: Oh well, have some chocolate!**

**MEG: Thanks Abbie!**

**ABBIE: Thats ok, hikabikaboo**

**MEG: BOOYA!**

**EEVEE: SHUT THE HELL UP!**


	3. Mission Successful?

**ABBIE: Hi everyone, I didn't get very many reveiws for the last chapter, so unless I get ten or more there will be no update, got that? Good!**

**MEG: Er, Abbie where is Eevee?**

**ABBIE: She will be here soon, but for the time being, I am going to bring my other freind Katie into the fic! (Katie pops up)**

**KATIE: Wow, how did I get here?**

**MEG: Abbie brought you here by the power of imagination!**

**KATIE + ABBIE: Are you drunk!**

**MEG: NO!**

**ABBIE: OK people, disclaimer time! I do not own Harry Potter, if I did I would be Mrs Potter and Eevee would murder Malfoy!**

**MEG, ABBIE + KATIE: NOW ON WITH THE FIC!**

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**Mission Successful**

Harry had never run as fast as he was now, ever! Not when Dudley's gang was beating him up, not when his uncle had come to abuse him, not even when he had tried to catch Bellatrix Lestrange in the department of mysteries or chasing Snape after he had murdered Dumbledore. No, this time was different. This time there was something that he could do.

He took the stairs six at a time, not feeling the burning protests that his body was giving.

Nothing mattered except getting to Madam Pomfrey. He had to help Ginny, not because she was Ron's youngest sister. No, because she was the one person who knew what Harry felt like right now, used. Voldemort had used her as a puppet in her first year. Now he was projecting images into Harry's mind, Harry didn't know why, but he did know that he wanted that son of a bitch out of there!

Too entranced in his thoughts to watch where he was going, Harry suddenly lost his footing and tumbled painfully, with a loud yelp, down the enormous flight of stairs. Pushing himself of the ground cursing (muggle curses you baka fools) he threw himself up onto his feet and started running again, he was only two floors away from the hospital wing.

Finally he made it to the hospital wing, running through, he threw the wing doors open and ran in like a man possessed.

"Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey, I need your help!" He screamed loudly, not noticing the other inhabitants of the wing.

In a flash the matron ran into the large room, looking like an angry lioness, ready to pounce on the shouting boy who was disturbing her patients. "Mr Potter, what do you think your doing, shouting like a hippogriff? I will perso…" She began, but was cut off by a distraught Harry raving like a lunatic!

"Madam Pomfrey, it's Ginny Weasley, she's in the Gryffindor common room, and something's wrong with her. . . . . I don't know what it is. . . . . . But she has a really weak pulse, she needs help!"

"Take me to her!" The matron shrieked she would not let anyone in this school be injured; this girl would have a lot of questions to answer, but not right now.

Harry stood back as the matron examined the small red head in the chair carefully. All he wanted to do was throw madam Pomfrey of her and make her better, hold her hand, do something that didn't make him feel as useless as he now felt.

Madam Pomfrey had shown Harry a shortcut to get to the seventh floor much more quickly then the stairs, they had entered the common room to find that the youngest Weasley's condition had deteriorated during the time it had taken Harry to find the matron.

What if she doesn't make it, what if, what if…Damn Harry, pull yourself together, she needs you now, and you can't afford to be a weakling, falling apart at every opportunity. You're the strong one now, Ginny needs you to be.

"Potter!" Harry was rudely awakened from his thoughts by the sound of an angry Madam Pomfrey yelling his name.

She glared at Harry for a moment before she was sure that he was listening. "Miss Weasley should be fine in a few days, it looks as if she was hit with a sleeping charm, but the caster was either a poorly skilled witch or wizard or was intoxicated at the time. She will need to stay in the hospital wing until I can figure out how to wake her. Otherwise she is stable" She added seeing the panic stricken Harry gasp in horror.

"I shall take Miss Weasley down to the hospital wing now, Mr Potter, can I give you the task off finding the other remaining Weasley and bringing him to the hospital wing." The matron asked rather kindly, well at least more kindly then usual, sensing that Harry was in a sense of shock. A nod was Harry's only reply as he turned on heel and walked quickly out of the portrait hole.

Harry continued walking at this speed until he came to the third floor corridor. He gazed at the door remembering his first year. The year he met Ron and Hermione, he even met Ginny that year on the platform. She was beautiful then as well. He had been so happy in his first year, so ready to learn about a new world that awaited him after ten years at the Dursley's. A compensation for living in hell. Harry snorted at the thought, some compensation, having to save the world every year!

He tore his gaze away from the door, remembering suddenly that he needed to find Ron and tell him about Ginny.

Again he started walking at a quick pace, the faster he walked, the faster he could tell Ron and then go, check on Ginny. He leapt down the stairs, but lost his balance and tumbled into moaning Myrtles bathroom. He lay on the floor staring at the sink. Suddenly images of Ginny on the floor of the chamber of secrets rushed past his vision. Ginny deathly pale on the floor. Ginny with a weak pulse. Ginny leaning over a dying Harry, wait where did that last one come from. Pushing himself off the floor and wiping the unshed tears from his eyes Harry left Myrtles bathroom and continued down the stairs. He practically ran to the castle doors and threw them open; with a bit of difficulty mind you (remember those doors must be very hard to open!).

Now out in the open Harry sucked in fresh air and ran. For some reason he seemed to know that if he looked at the quidditch pitch or the lake it would bring back another set of unwanted memories. Running straight for the greenhouses with his head down apparently worked, no more memories surfaced in his brain, and for once, he could think clearly.

Harry opened the door to greenhouse three, hoping beyond belief that he had the right greenhouse, he didn't want to be alone in greenhouse three. Thankfully he had chosen right.

"Oh Mr Potter, how good of you to join us, maybe you could come and work on the Mandrakes, seeing as you have missed half of the class already." Apparently Professor Sprout was not very happy with him.

"I'm sorry professor but I've been sent to collect Ron Weasley, Ron your gonna have to bring your stuff mate." Harry added turning to a dumbstruck Ron.

"Okay, Mr Weasley you may go, but I will give your homework assignments to Miss Granger." She sighed loudly and allowed the two boys to leave her class.

"Harry mate, where are we going, who asked for me? Harry, will you just stop!" He yelled as he lost his temper. Harry, who had been in a daze since he had collected Ron from Herbology, turned around and stared at Ron

"Huh, did you say something Ron?" he said confused at his friend.

"Yeah, I wanted to know where we're going, but I think I'm more worried about you, what's got into you Harry? You've been like this for months, what's going on?" He asked, Ron seemed genuinely concerned about Harry.

Harry turned away and ran, he knew Ron would follow him. He couldn't tell Ron, he had to let him see for himself. Though he was hard pushed to outrun Ron, last year he could have done it no problem, but in his weakened condition, he was fighting a losing battle. He could hear Ron's footsteps closing in but he was so close.

"Harry, what's this about?" Ron gasped, grabbing Harry's shoulder to keep him from running further. Harry let the pressure on his shoulder stop him and turned to face his best friend.

"See for yourself" He said, pointing to the hospital wing doors.

Ron moved past Harry and pushed the doors open

"Ginny!"

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**ABBIE: I know, I'm evil, but I got writers block and I just wrote this today, I er blame Eevee!**

**EEVEE: Hey, you wait my Hikari, your in for a whole world of pain.**

**KATIE + MEG: You leave our mate alone!**

**ABBIE: Thanks guys, and meg, hikabikaboo!**

**MEG: Booya!**

**EEVEE + KATIE: SHUT THE HELL UP!**


	4. Something's Wrong

**ABBIE: Just so you all know, I wrote this at 22:30 and I was in the middle of a serious case of writers block, that is why this chapter is so short.**

**EEVEE: Yeah, we were both hit with writers block!**

**MEG: Just so everyone knows the two above have posted a new fic, check it out, it's not half bad!**

**KATIE: Yeah, er, why am I still here?**

**ABBIE: Cause I am depressed and need a hug (Meg and Katie hug Abbie while Eevee backs away slowly), oh and thankyou to the lovely people who reveiwed! I would like to give a shout out to Franny, Neila and Kat (you know who you are) for being my fave reveiwers and authors, I hope you can update soon, and please reveiw this chapter, just so Kat knows I did not send you to the shadow realm, I wanted to send dmg on you but Eevee got there first, anyway email me!**

**EEVEE: Anyway on with the writersblock chapter!**

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Something's Wrong.**

"Ginny!"

Ron threw the wing doors open and ran to Ginny's bed at the other end of the room. He was leaning over her, and from what Harry could see from the door, he was crying. Harry had never seen Ron break down; he had seen him angry, furious even, but never crying.

"Harry," Ron asked, tearing his eyes away from his baby sister, "what happened? I just…I left her in the…..the common room, 'cause….cause she said she didn't feel right, I…..I should have made sure she…..she came to see madam……madam Pomfrey."

Ron was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably, Harry ran forward from his place at the door and pulled Ron into a brotherly hug. Somehow the two boys had slid down to the floor and Harry was now cradling a distraught Ron **(Not in the way you sick people are thinking of!)**. The red head sobbed into the boy-who-lived's chest, while Harry whispered things to calm him down.

"Ron, there was nothing you could do, if she didn't want to go then you couldn't force her. You know that she would've hated that."

"Harry, I can't lose her, not again!" Harry realised that Ron was probably remembering the time in their 2nd year that they had thought that Ginny was dead. For some reason, although Harry's heart was breaking inside, nothing seemed to show on the outside. To Ron he must have seemed like a robot, a cold metallic robot.

"Harry, what's wrong with you?"

Harry taken a back by the question pulled away from Ron to find his friends brownish green orbs giving him a careful once over**(Yet again, I point out, not in that way**!). " Er, huh?" Harry realised he sounded retarded but his brain wasn't functioning properly.

"I said what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." He was accustomed to lying now, although he had only been at Hogwarts two days, people had asked questions, questions that he didn't want to answer.

"You don't need to lie to me mate, I thought you knew me better than that! I know something's wrong, I've known since summer when you didn't reply to the letters we sent you. Why do you think that I left you to lie in bed on the first day of classes? I'm not the only one, Hermione noticed but I didn't tell her anything, please tell me Harry!" Ron pleaded with his best friend, somehow he knew something was really wrong. He was losing his only sister, he wasn't about to let his only true best friend go without a fight.

Tears flowed freely down Harry's cheeks, the only sign that he had even heard Ron. His head was tilted towards the ground, his eyes unfocused . "Nothings wrong Ron, I'm fine, just scared for Ginny, so drop it!"

"No I won't! Stop lying to me Harry I wanna help you, look at me!" Ron reached out to pull Harry's face forward and felt a tear hit his hand. Cupping Harry's cheek in his hand the taller boy felt him flinch at the touch and try to move away.

"Look at me!" Ron was getting angry and he was shouting at the boy who was kneeling on the cold floor of the hospital wing, still staring at the floor. Slowly but surely Harry rose his eyes to meet Ron's gaze, at first he was happy that Harry was listening to him, but then his heart fell. His best friends eyes were a dull jade opposed to their usual sparkling emerald, they were leaking tears fast and sobs were beginning to wrack the small boy's body.

"Harry, you've gotta tell me mate, this is gonna eat you up if you don't tell someone."

"How did you know?" he whispered through his sobs.

Ron shook his head sadly as he crept closer to Harry. "How could I not? Your stick thin and your whiter than a sheet, I saw you last night, you didn't eat anything at the feast. How could you not be hungry, you spent the holiday at your aunt and uncle's house, and I know for a fact that they don't feed you. God if mum saw you like this she'd have a fit!" Ron laughed weakly at his attempt at a joke, it was only half a joke though. If Molly could see the state Harry was in now…….whenever Harry came to visit she became hysterical about how thin or pale he was, but this was the worst Ron had seen him, it was as if Harry had gone and left this behind.

"Harry, you're not well, did the Dursley's do this to you?"

Something in the room changed, it took Ron a moment before he realised that it was Harry. He tried to push himself up from the floor, but couldn't manage it. "Harry stop before you hurt yourself!" Ron ordered.

"No!" Harry yelled and threw himself up to his feet. It was agony, he cried out in sudden pain, his arm that he had cut last night had still not healed. Ron on hearing the whimper coming from his friend stood up quickly and went to Harry's side. "You ok?" he asked carefully. Harry felt the world spinning, he couldn't breath. His vision started to darken, and he tried to call out to Ron, to grab something, but he knew it was to late, then it went black.

Harry's body fell fast and his headhit the floor with a sickening thud. "Harry!" Ron shouted and dropped down to his knees next to his friends unconscious form. He shook Harry slightly, and when he didn't move Ron shouted.

"Madam Pomfrey, we need some help!"

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**ABBIE: Please reveiw, and anyone who reveiws all our stories gets a scar shaped ice lolly!**

**EEVEE: Why are Meg and Katie fighting?**

**ABBIE: Don't know, don't care, still depressed! (Katie and Meg continue to try and kill each other)**

**EEVEE: Anyone who cares enough to wonder why my Hikari is depressed, check out the an's for our fic I didn't mean to!**


	5. Promise

**ABBIE: Ok, this chapter totally sucks, it's more of a filler but it does get out Ron's feelings, I promise that later chapters will be longer but Ive got so many fics going on at once that I'm losing track!**

**EEVEE: Yeah, it's getting a bit much for her, she thinks that she might need some help.**

**MEG: And we're just the ones to help out, oh by the way me and katie have settled our differences but she won't be speaking in this for a while: school work!**

**ABBIE: I do not own Harry Potter, cause if I did Harry would lose his virginity to moi!**

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Ron sat between his sister's and his brother's beds. This was seriously not the Gryffindor quidditch team's day; their chaser was in the hospital wing after being attacked, their seeker was also in the hospital wing after fainting in said wing and refusing to wake and their keeper was in the hospital wing keeping watch on both of them. 

But the only conscious Weasley wasn't exactly bothered about the game against Slytherin.

His best friend and his sister were both lying in the hospital wing, and there was nothing he could do about it. Harry had been unconscious since he fainted, madam Pomfrey said that he had a mild concussion from hitting his head on the floor. Ginny had moaned once or twice, but otherwise nothing to say she was improving.

God, he was supposed to be her big brother; he was supposed to save her. But he couldn't he had failed. Ron made a promise to himself, he couldn't help his little sister now, she could only be helped by healers now, but Harry could still be saved.

Even if he didn't want to be.

The red head moved his chair closer to Harry's bed. He had sent Pig to tell Hermione what had happened and that she should come up after classes. It was an hour after their last class and she still hadn't shown up, he guessed she was crying somewhere.

"Harry you idiot. What are you hiding?" He asked, gazing at the boy in front of him, not really expecting an answer. He wanted to check his room; he wanted to make sure that the Dursley's never infected him again. Harry thought Ron didn't know what the Dursley's did to him, and he was half right, Ron knew that he didn't know the full story, but he knew enough to wish that Voldemort would kill them slowly and painfully.

This wasn't Harry anymore, it was a shell addicted to finding Voldemort and living only to fulfil everyone else's expectations. Ron missed him, and he knew that Hermione did too. They seemed to be the only people who saw through the mask, saw past the boy-who-lived. Ginny might have, he wasn't sure, but what he did know was that if someone didn't pull him back, they would lose him forever.

Ron had a theory, he had been awake last night when Harry got up and went to the bathroom, he was sure he had heard him yelping. His theory was that the Dursley's had driven him to do the unthinkable.

Reaching out Ron took hold of Harry's upper arm. Gently he pulled his robe sleeve up. Inch by inch. Ron gasped but kept going, every inch revealing at least another five scars. Once Ron reached the elbow he couldn't carry on. Every piece of skin on his arm was marred with thin red scars, some faded and light, some obviously very new and that seemed to run very deep. The other arm shared the same treatment.

"Jesus Christ Harry, why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me?" Ron cried into his arms, that was the second time today, a new record for Ronald Weasley.

"Because I didn't know hoe you'd react."

Hermione sat on the floor of moaning myrtle's bathroom sobbing loudly. No one would come in to check on her because they thought it was Myrtle.

The ghost in question was sitting on a sink offering a few comforting words to Hermione, usually she would've shouted insults and snide comments, but seeing as this was Harry she could allow herself a little upset time as well, she didn't really care about the Weasley, but it was best to sound sympathetic none the less.

"They'll be fine, at least they're not…..they're not dead!"

Both girls burst into more hysterical sobs as Myrtle dived into a toilet to clear her head.

"Harry……Ginny, please….please be ok. God please be ok." She whispered, hot tears dripping from her face and onto the floor.

She slowly picked herself up and wiped her face. Thank god they had mirrors in the middle aged bathrooms.

"I'd better get to the hospital wing, Ron will be waiting for me." She said as she stalked out of the bathroom.

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ABBIE: You guys know the deal R and R!

EEVEE: We want to take this fic off unless people start reveiwing, and we are deadly serious.


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